Friday, October 30, 2009

Still Awesome, Still Waiting - 34

Date: 2009-10-29, 2:12PM EDT
To whom it may concern: Just because nobody will hire me, doesn't mean I'm not awesome. I can still operate in a very awesome fashion. I will help out. I will help you carry in your groceries, install your printer, and alphabetize your dvds/cds. When necessary, if all goes well and conditions are at their most optimal awesomeness, I will even have sex with you. So you see, someone doesn't have to have a job to be considered awesome, wouldn't you agree? More reasons why I'm awesome:
-I can kiss without getting drool on you
-I have most local dollar menus memorized
-Never once has anyone ever complained about me being too big in bed
-I whistle while I work, but I don't work, so you won't have to deal with me whistling all the time -I rarely belch
-One time I taught a bird to fly
-I'm great at giving back/butt massages
-In the middle of sex, I sometimes get disorientated, and call out my own name
-I can sing like a dying cat
-Sometimes I can comprehend poetry
-I can promise you that I will almost always say bless you when you sneeze
-I can get your bra off in seven to ten minutes flat, if you help me
-Last night I dreamed somebody loved me
-I have a way of making people feel valued
-On occasion, I have fallen in love really really fast, I have the restraining orders to prove it
-I can provide references upon request
-My hugs are have been known to crack backs
-I went to college and made a real big debt
-I can pee sitting down
-When cornered by old people, I'm polite and listen to their incoherent stories
-I'm starting to like reggae
-Coffee makes me have to poop -
I'm thankful for the men and women serving in our military
-I can play scrabble really good
-When I was a wee lad, I could moonwalk with the best of them
-If you want me to teach you how to catch crayfish I will
-I've lived in 3 states that start with "New"
-I don't discriminate based on race, only poor grammar
-My favorite president would have to be Johnson, I love my Johnson!
-I don't mind letting you be on top
Location: here

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