Thursday, November 5, 2009

Looking for a gorgeous nymphomaniac with really low standards - 42

Date: 2009-11-05, 11:48AM EST
Well no, not really. She has to have high standards.
I just wanted you to read my post and it looks like it worked.
And if this post offends you, then feel free to skip me and GO ON TO THE NEXT POST!
By the way, I’m sure the guy in the next post is looking for a gorgeous nymphomaniac too but he’s not saying so. At least I’m honest.
Here’s the deal. I’m having trouble finding a woman around my age (give or take 5 years or so). Why? Well because women SAY they want a ‘nice guy’ BUT they daydream about themselves with a ‘BAD BOY’. (If you’re 22 years old and have no idea what I‘m talking about, just wait until you’re a little older. You will!)
Let’s play out that little ‘BAD BOY’ fantasy, shall we? You find your ‘BAD BOY’ and he’s a lean, mean, 8” f*cking machine. He’s great, just what you’ve dreamed about!
You only wish he had all his own teeth.
And his own hair.
And a job.
But he drives a soupped-up ‘68 camaro convertible that’s a blast to ride in! Too bad the floor is rotted out on the passenger side and you always get soaked when he drives thru puddles. That, and he has to borrow gas money from you and you never get it back. Why? HE HAS NO JOB! And what about all that other money he’s borrowed from you, promising that he’ll pay you back as soon as he’s found a job? Has he? Well? Oh, but he’s so sweet (when he’s sober and he remembers to brush his teeth).
Does all this compensate for the fact that he can hardly write, he smells, and even worse, he farts during sex?!?
OK, don’t answer that, not yet. Think about this…
I can be your ‘nice’ bad boy. I can be your lean, mean machine. And I have my own teeth and hair and a great job! But wait, there’s more. I have a vicious sense of humor, and I floss! I’m (somewhat) housebroken but I still have enough devil in me to keep you on your toes.
All that, and I don’t fart during sex!
OK, OK. I don’t have a ’68 camaro but my truck has a solid floor and (whoo-hoo) heat! It even passed inspection without me having to bribe anyone!
All I ask of you is that you have a wicked sense of humor (can you make fun of a fat, I mean HUGE, guy that somehow shoehorned himself into a tiny Toyota prious, driving down the highway?), that you not take life too seriously (it’s not permanent you know, enjoy it while you can), and that you be height/weight proportionate (ie.You have a waist smaller than your boobs and hips).
Oh, and bonus points for being a gorgeous nymphomaniac.
Interested? There’s 3 simple rules;
1) I’m serious, you be serious;
2) Put something witty in your subject line so I can tell you aren’t spam. Maybe something about whipped cream. Or handcuffs. Or both!
3) Do not (I repeat, do not!) email me with a one liner ‘so tell me about yourself’. Hellooooo!! If you don’t already know what makes me tick, I can’t help you. Why don’t you tell ME about YOURSELF?
4) (Did I say three rules? I meant four!) Please include a photo. Again, so I can tell you aren’t spam.
OK, with that said, I promise to answer every email that looks like it didn’t come from the FBI. Thanks!
Location: near Milford NH

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